Sesshoumaru!
by littlefiction
Summary: Sesshoumaru is getting a little worked up? Who wouldn't in an argument with their older self? Mrs. Higurashi is impressed by the polite young man, who happens to be several centuries old. No pairings.


Disclaimer: I do not own Inu Yasha, or related characters. Rumiko Takahashi does. But she had been kind enough not to refuse to let authors post fan fictions based on her work. She's cool.

Author's notes:

Please, if you take the time to read this, review. Even just a short review, so I know if you read it, and if you found it even mildly amusing. Thanks so much.

Warning: repeated use of the phrase "This Sesshoumaru" ahead. But I promise, this time it's on purpose, and not JUST for my amusement (although I admit, I am amused). It might be particularly confusing in the beginning, but it will come together. At least, that's the plan, anyway…

Warning 2: OOC! (Out Of Character)

**Sesshoumaru!**

"Do not presume to call this Sesshoumaru a fool, fool! If I had come to bring father condoms, he would not have used them! And even if he did, I cannot possibly come from the present to prevent Inu Yasha's birth."

"How dare you call this Sesshoumaru a fool? Explain yourself! What is your excuse for not preventing that hanyou from being conceived, wretch!"

"You dare to call the Lord of the Western Lands 'wretch'? Consider yourself lucky, if you were not my former self you would be slaughtered by now!"

"Kagome," whispered Shippou, "What's going on?"

Kagome sighed, a bead of sweat dropping from her temple.

"It's a long story…"

"They'll probably be at it for a while," Miroku mused, "so now is as good a time as any."

"Well, when I got back home last week…"

…Flashback! Kagome's POV…

"Mom! Souta! Grandpa! I'm back!"

"Ah! Kagome! It's wonderful to see you dear!" Mom came up and hugged me as soon as I was out of the well. She seemed excited, as we walked into the house. "Kagome, you have a visitor! Such a polite, gentlemanly young man."

"Oh? Who is it?" I asked, afraid to find Hojo waiting for me. I started coming up with excuses as to why I was coming from the well house with a huge backpack full of used up supplies, when I was supposed to be recovering from rheumatism, arthritis, an unidentifiable rash, and a ruptured disk, all thanks to Grandpa's brilliant excuses. When I turned the corner into the living room, I immediately wished it had been him, because nothing could have prepared me for this.

Standing in front of me, cocky as ever, was Sesshoumaru. He still wore his hair down past his knees, and didn't bother to dye his hair or cover his markings at all. He was standing a little ways away from my cat, Buyo, and was glaring at him intently. It was weird. He had on loose fitting jeans, and a form fitting top, and dressed like that he looked somehow younger than he does now, I mean, did back then. No, wait; I'm here, so "now" means in this time, so… Agh! Anyway, the point is, the new look made him look younger. But, aside from the new clothes, and looking a little bit younger (not much), he looked exactly the same. He even still had the Tensiega! How he managed to go anywhere in my time looking like that was beyond me, but he did it.

"You…. You…" It was so weird! I tried to talk, but all I could do was stutter like an idiot. But how was I supposed to act? A demon from the feudal era that tried to kill me more than once was standing there in my living room!

"Yes. Me. You are Inu Yasha's woman, are you not?" Somehow that didn't seem like a question. I was in shock for a moment, but then what he said sank in.

"No, I'm not that arrogant, pig headed, dog's woman! I" I went silent at the glare he gave me. He just looked at me for a second before he started telling me off out of nowhere.

"I agree, Inu Yasha is arrogant, and stubborn, but do not forget, he is only half a dog demon. And further more, you will not use the term "dog" as a negative in my presence again."

"What are you doing here?"

"I've come to inquire as to how you go about traveling from one time period to the next."

"Like I'm gonna tell you that! You'd just go back and gang up on Inu Yasha with your old self!"

"Younger self. And unlike you, I have lived out the time between now and the last time we met, and I can say quite confidently that this Sesshoumaru has never engaged in combat while two selves were present.""

"Then why-"

"To give myself supplies."

"What kind of supplies?"

"That is none of your concern."

"Neither is how you deliver them."

"I could make it your concern." The look he gave me was probably the scariest image I've ever encountered, and that's saying something. But, I wasn't about to let him walk all over me."

"Oh really? What can you do? If you kill me or my family, the police would be all over it. And I'm sure someone saw you get in here. And it's not like they could confuse you for someone else, I mean there aren't many guys wandering around Tokyo with demon markings, long white hair, and a sword that can't cut. Face it, we aren't important enough to you to go through all that just to spite me."

"Hmn." I held my breath as he stared at me, apparently considering my argument. As he stood there staring, it was like he could see right through me. "I will make a bargain with you then. I will tell you what my supplies and intentions are, and you will answer all of my questions regarding your time traveling."

"Deal."

"Very well." He reached behind himself and pulled out a small, durable backpack. "This contains a sample of each supply. There is more, of course, but it is most convenient to have one pack with a sample of each, for when I explain each item to my past self." He then grabbed the bag with both hands and dumped the contents onto the coffee table. And that's when I noticed.

"You're arm!" He looked, but he didn't say anything. "It's back!" Still no response. "How?"

"It grew back. Five centuries will do that."

"Oh." Then, I was distracted by the oddest assortment of "supplies" I had ever seen. I was looking over them, and the very first thing to come across my vision was-

"Tampons! Sesshoumaru, do you know-"

"They are for Rin."

"Oh." I continued my investigation. "A medical textbook?"

"Also for Rin. I did not have time to wait for her to recover her human ailments. This textbook will teach her how to use those medicines to heal herself more quickly." He indicated a few bottles I was about to question him about. The first aid was obvious, I didn't bother to ask about that, but then my eyes fell on something, I really didn't expect to see.

"Condoms!"

"Ah, yes, one of the few human inventions truly worth obtaining. Such a pity father didn't have any, I might have been spared having that hanyou in the family."

"You're shameless!"

"No, I'm wifeless. Thanks to the fact that you human reproduce like vermin, you were able to nearly wipe out most demon populations. I am all that is left of the full blooded dog demons, so needless to say, there are no females for me to-"

"Ah! Enough!" And then that jerk smirked at me!

"I always honor my word. I agreed to tell you whatever you wished to know of my supplies and intentions, and-"

"Yeah? Well those I don't want to know about! What is that for?"

"A heat pack. To loosen my shoulders and back."

"Really?"

"You are not significant enough to lie to." That prick!

"So what else is there?"

"That is all."

"Then what are those boxes for?"

"Those are large quantities of some of these supplies. I do not intend to go back more than once."

"Oh."

"So. What do you do to get to the well in the feudal era?"

"I go through the same well in the present."

"How?"

"By jumping to the bottom, and then climbing back out."

"I see. Where is this well?"

"I'll show you." He then put on the backpack, and picked up the three boxes, and followed me to the well house. He then followed me into the well, jumped back out before I could climb out, and then started arguing with himself. What that Sesshoumaru was doing by the well I don't know, but that's what happened.

… End Flashback! Normal POV…

"So, that's Sesshoumaru from where you live?" Asked Shippou.

"Yup."

"He's still scary."

"That is irrelevant. Why can you not prevent that perversion of nature from being conceived?" Spat the feudal Sesshoumaru.

"Because," growled modern Sesshoumaru, "I followed Inu Yasha's wench here. If Inu Yasha had not been born, she would not have met him and traveled back and for to see him, so I would have no means of coming here to give father condoms to prevent the hanyou, so he would have had the hanyou. It's not possible."

"Will you two shut up and fight? I'll take you both on!"

"Baka!" hissed both Sesshoumarus, "You can barely take on one of me! This Sesshoumaru does not require assistance to kill you!" Inu Yasha growled.

Kagome, Shippou, Miroku, Sango, Rin, and Jaken sighed in unison. This was going to be a long day.

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End

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This story came to me while doing the dishes. It's pretty common for me to think about and further develop a story while doing dishes, but I think this is the first that was thought up and mostly completed while doing the dishes. I hope you enjoyed it. I realize it rambled a bit in the middle, and the so-called plot doesn't seem to do much, but it was fun to think up, so I wrote it.

Oh, and I'm so happy, I haven't gotten many reviews for The Peach, but the few I did were all nice, I was so surprised, apparently I'm not the only one that found it amusing. Random, but amusing.

Ok, last question. Is Jaken spelled with one "k" or two, or are there multiple spellings. I'm told Sesshoumaru has multiple valid spellings. I don't know this for a fact, it's just something I read on a website. Anyway, hope you enjoyed this!


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